I have zero interest in telling you how to parent
And I’m sure you have zero interest in me telling you how to parent. However, one thing that I’ve talked a lot about lately is the research that I did in preparing to become a parent. Because that’s how I do: I read. And for parenting I think that’s been a good approach. So I’m not going to try to tell you how to parent, I’m just going to list the best books I read and talk about them briefly.
Every family is different and different things work for every family. Find what works for you and yours and don’t stress what others say. You’ll drown if you try to apply every little piece of advice or data that you receive, be it from the public at large or close family. Only act on things you want to, and politely pocket everything else. (Except for abuse. If you’re doing something that makes you answer in the affirmative to, “would a neutral observer call CPS over this?” then you definitely shouldn’t do that.)
And finally: your mileage may vary.
What to Expect When You’re Expecting
Required reading for any pregnant human and anyone supporting them. It’s frank and realistic, touches on all topics, and is oftentimes quite gross; just like pregnancy and delivery.
Happiest Baby on the Block
Babies have very specific and limited ways that they express themselves. If you get to know those ways ahead of time and prepare for handling them, then you can ensure that your newborn and baby (<6 mo) will be as happy and comfortable as you can make them.
The Read-Aloud Handbook
I love reading. I believe firmly that becoming a reader is what allowed me to excel in school and set me up to know what I wanted to do for a career and do it. Obviously reading is not required for this, and I have nothing against people who are not readers, but it has played a large role in my life.
This book makes a very compelling case for why I feel that way, and gives you specific tips and strategies for making your kid a reader.
For parents of boys: The Circumcision Decision
I already had a strong stance on this but I decided I’d read a book and make sure I understood the whole thing before I advocated for my stance, and this was a good one. The authors try very hard to be neutral and stick to authoritative facts. They never appeal to your emotions, they just explain things and give context.
For parents worried about the toddler phase: Happiest Toddler on the Block
Understanding babies is hard, but understanding toddlers is sometimes harder because they’re trying to communicate with you but haven’t figured it all out yet. You should familiarize yourself with strategies for dealing with a small human trying desperately to express themselves amid constant failure to do so. You aren’t always going to make it work, but you’ll feel better than just getting frustrated.
On communicating with kids of all ages: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk
Especially helpful for toddlers before they can fully express themselves with words. For me, also turned out to be great for tweens and teens.
Topic-oriented series: The Brazelton Way books
Short, easily digestible, easy to refer back to set of books where you can pick one up on a particular topic and learn the basics fairly quickly. Having trouble with sleep? The Sleep book might have a tip or strategy that works for you. Toilet training? Again, we have a Toilet Training book. And on and on for a variety of topics.
The only note here is that they are a bit dated. Brazelton is a fairly well-known and -liked peditrician, and he set out to simplify the process of understanding how to effectively raise your kids quite a long while ago. However, as long as you go in realizing that there will be stuff that you just outright say “nope, that’s some old people shit” and disregard, you’ll be able to get a fair bit of information that’s good without drowning in information.
